And it hasn't even really started yet!

I wonder if I will never see this house the same again? It has become the study center of pain, torture, whatever you want to call it. It wreaks of it in here. There is this stink that doesn't go away now. I can open as many windows as I can and it still stinks. There are random bouts of laughing and such but then nothing for what seems like ages. Now I look at going home as freedom from this which makes the homesickness so much more meaningful. Its huge at the moment. I am fully aware of the fact that with every passing minute, hour, day I'm getting dangerously close the ultimate pit of torture but then it doesn't seem to matter much because its also bringing me closer to my haven. So time, keep on ticking by as fast as you possibly can. Speeding through all this will help me more than anything else right now.

I need excuses to go outside!

Ok, so I've been in the house surrounded my computers, notes and books for about a day and a half and have yet to go outside. I know that I'll go on my run today so at least I have that to look forward to but other than that....

I am well stocked as far as food, drinks (mostly tea) and study supplies go so I really have no good reason to leave the house. Not to mention that its cold and windy out there. Plus, I'm pretty darn comfortable wearing my scrub bottoms and sweatshirts now so theres the whole issue of having to get dressed too. This is what I wanted right? Not to have to do anything else but study. AHHH, I think I might go crazy. What was I thinking?

At least I have Andrew and Greg here to keep me company (although, I have to keep to my room as much as possible because they can be a little too much of a distraction sometimes.) Greg is cooking up a good meal for me tonight which is something yummy to make me smile. And I think I might have sorted out subletters for my room for the summer so that is a good thing too. I wonder if I can take a break at some point for venturing into the great outdoors for something good. Hmmm, I wonder what will it be for though???

Yuck

I'm in the process of outlining an endocrine lecture just about calcium, yes calcium, that is 99 slides. 99 slides. (Did the lecturer think that 100 was just 1 too many?) Seriously, this is about the most boring medicine can possibly get. God I hope I don't kill myself before the end...

One done!

Yippie! The oral (I'll just punch you in the face with this part of a cadaver here and watch you squirm) test is over and I'm off to rock climbing! I'm so gonna kill that wall today :D

Far away

I'm gonna try not to make this too sappy but really thats what I am. A big sap that worries too much. Yes I know I worry too much and I don't really discriminate concerning what I worry about. I pretty much worry about everything. Now that I'm 26 I have a feeling this is something that isn't going to change too much either. I mean, isn't that what doctors are? Professional worriers? Isn't that what you want your doctor to be? I think that I do. If I go see the doctor, I want him or her to worry that they are doing the right thing to make me better. That if I am sick they are going to worry. And not the kind of doctor that has to be taught to worry (yes, they do give classes here for that type of thing. Probably the only classes I really don't have to go to but do anyways because it makes me feel so good to be a natural at something in this crazy place called medical school). So, in other terms, doesn't worry just mean care. Maybe I can turn this around and say that I actually just care too much. And then when you think of it that way is it a bad thing to care too much? I would say no to that. If you want to go to a doctor when you're sick that doesn't worry (or even had to be taught to worry) then by all means I'm sure you can find that person but please don't come to me. I'm not gonna be that doctor and, well, not that person either.

Ok, back to the point of the post. I'm sad today. Sad or maybe just feeling bad for myself or maybe both but yes, I'm definitely a bit sad. I can't be with Ben on his wedding today which is making me the most sad. Its such a happy day for him and I really am excited and happy for him but just sad that I can't be there to share the day. I know that its going to be beautiful, overlooking the pier that we surfed together, down the street from both the houses we grew up in and with all of his wonderful family and friends gathered around. I know my spirit will be there with him even if I technically can't and yes, I realize that it is just one day that he'd be too busy to even know I was there but anyways, I still wish I was and thats that.

I wrote him and Carrie a letter yesterday to commemorate the day and it made me cry. Yes, I was sitting on my bed, surrounded by anatomy books and notes and crying. And then the person that I want the most to curl up with and make me feel better is just as far away if not farther and thats another thing that makes me sad. The thing of it is, being all the way over here and being forced to be on my own, I'm learning how to console myself. To make myself feel better. What a strange yet wonderful concept. A little crazy that I'm just learning this now but it seems to work oddly enough. I definitely have enough study to keep me busy till the end of time and a comfy/happy room with housemates that are great at distracting me from my homesickness but I pretty much handled it all myself, and, well am still handling it really but its getting better.

Wow. This was pretty long and I need to get to anatomy so I'm gonna hop to it. I can't put it off forever.

happy friday ramble

Alright, so I wasn't totally being honest before about anatomy. Today I went (voluntarily mind you) for 3 and a half hours to go over specimens, models, bones and skeletons. I think I'm a lot closer now to being ready for the practical exam and that feels pretty good. I swear I think that 3 hours of anatomy room study was like doing 6 hours of regular study. Non-stop and the time just flew by. I only had to stop finally cuz I couldn't ignore the rumbling of my tummy telling me it was lunch time. I love not having to go to lectures. Lectures are for sissys I say. How much more do I get out of moving around and holding stuff in my hands. I sooo want to be a surgeon at the moment. Oh, and I don't want to do anything involved with knowing intimate details of the brain that's for sure. I have 4 months till my next lecture and that feels great. Great on my back too. I always get a sore back sitting in those chairs for 6-8 hours a day. Now its either the couch or bed for me. I love that too. Oh, or in the grass at the park. My favorite place to run and do my working out since it's been so much nicer outside. I'm back to studying now and I think it will be the same routine tonight (a late night run shower, dinner (spaghetti as usual), and little bit of a movie that I can fall asleep to in my too-big-for me oh-so-comfy bed) but, well, we'll just have to wait and see.

Gettin closer

Today was the official last day of classes for my first year.  Quite an incredible accomplishment. In some way though, I feel like I've just begun considering what I have ahead of me.  Its a little bit overwhelming to have 3 weeks of finals to plow through.  Sorta what I think running a few marathons would feel like.  I really didn't get into my study groove until about 6ish tonight and then at 9 (since its still light out until about 10) I knew that I had to go on my run.  Only ran about 2 miles at the park and did my other working out stuff too but it felt really good and I'm glad I took the break.  The only problem is when I got back, showered, made and ate dinner it was 11 and thats about the time I'm just too tired for neuroanatomy stuff to have any chance of sinking in.  Greg and I decided to watch a bit of the Neverending Story and before it was over I was falling faster and faster into the couch. I really hope I have dreams about Falcore the flying puppy-dog dragon and not about the differences between upper and lower motor nerve lesions. Oh, but I do want to say a special thank you to Cintia for explaining why we test superior oblique and inferior oblique muscles in the eye the way that we do.  That was so awesome and now I totally get it.  How did I get so lucky to have my very own Brazilian Japanese pediatric ophthalmologist and eye muscle surgeon with time to spare to help me? 

Where I wish I was instead of the anatomy room today

The amazing thing is that today was my last official anatomy class! Well that is until the exam on Monday and then it will officially be over. Greg says its sorta sad. I'm just excited to get to see live patients more often then dead ones for the rest of my life. How awesome is that!?!

a little insight

Yesterday at rock climbing Kathryn told me that I climb just like my personality. I decide on a way, take a look at the hold and then just all out go for it, no messing around, not too much thinking, and I don't let go either.

I think she's probably right.

The madness begins

The quiz of the month is out of the way. I passed which is good but its not worth that much so there wasn't that much stress around it. Any nerves I have at the moment are due to my anatomy room final next Monday. It is the sole reason I am missing Ben's wedding and as it is an oral exam and I get really nervous being quizzed orally this is probably my most stressful final. The one good thing about this test, and this will make sense to those of you who know my diving meet strategy and know how I like to get gainers out of the way first, I am thankful it is first and I can get it out of the way. Unfortunately, unlike gainers (that I'll never have to do another one ever again if I don't want to), I'll be having oral quizzes for the rest of my life so I know I better get used to this stress. Let's hope that my stomach is as strong as I think it is and I won't be getting any ulcers in the coming years (great. another thing to worry about.)

Dublin has its surprises

Just when you think the sun has forgotten all about this little city, it decides to surprise us all and make an appearance. Yesterday was warm, hot even! I could barely believe I was actually going outside in shorts and a tank top to the park where I could lay in the sun to read and people watch and not be cold at all. The wind even left us all alone for a while too. It was fabulous, a truly magical experience. Great day in fact. Studies in the morning, sun at midday, home to make dinner for friends, exciting hockey game with my 4 favorite Canadian girls (also big hockey fans), falling asleep watching a good movie. Loved every second of yesterday.

The sun is still out today but the wind is too and its back to being chilly. Oh well, at least I made the most of it. Back to studying too which is not the most fun. Friends were going to the ocean but I have a lot to do before cardsigning tomorrow and I wanted to go climbing tonight with Robyn so I had to pass.

Last night we were all talking, and I found out that I'm not the only one that has lost motivation to study like I used to. It seems like everyone is making summer plans and getting more and more distracted as the days go by instead of more and more focused like we know we should. I'm doing my best but its really hard. Really really hard.

Me and Maeve at the Ball

I really like this picture of Maeve and I :) Maeve was on the team (of 3) as the style coordinator for the ball as well as did my makeup too. Not only did she do all this, but she also saved the day when she filled in for the cigarette/chocolate girl at the pre-reception who hurt her back the night of the ball!

2008 Med Ball---check

Just to, for some strange reason, prove that I can chair a ball for 600 of my classmates and get myself all dolled up too.
Me and my housemates, Greg, Andrew and Maeve, RCSI Med Ball. Oh and the theme was old hollywood!

Today I learned...

How to take blood from a person and then, fortunately enough, how to sew them back up when it goes terribly horribly wrong. Awesome right?

It could be just a coincidence but for some reason these two clinical skills are grouped together in one 2 hour session...and now I'm apparently all set to go! ha!

Marilyn or Dorothy?

So the med school ball I'm helping chair is just 3 days away! The theme is classic Hollywood and its gonna be great. I'm really getting excited about it. People are dressing up to the theme and everyone is really happy with it. Oh, and we also had dancing lessons all this week to learn the fox trot and swing (since we are having a Frank Sinatra impersonator and a 17 piece swing band!)

My spring break to Holland and Czech Republic was incredible. I had so much fun and can't wait to share pictures. Besides the awesome amount of hockey I got to watch all cozily wrapped up in the Mexican blanket, thanks to Chris :), some of the highlights were was staying with Johan and Melanie, our Dutch home-stay couple who 'made' us stay out at the bars until we got kicked out two nights in a row and who had an amazing 'magazine quality' house filled with all the things 2 kids on spring break need, the 2Am 'Easter' snowball fight in Holland, being undefeated in the Zoetermeer mugs, learning Czech from Sam (our 10 year old tutor and no 1 fan of the Tournament, 9 of us eating '10 delicious' chinese takeaways in the foyer outside of the elevator on our floor of our 5 star hotel, experiencing rain and snow...at the same time, seeing the real Iron Curtain, loosing the group in Karlovy vary and drinking mineral water from cool little sippy mugs, learning Czech from Sam (our 10 year old tutor and biggest fan of the American team) during the world championships in Klasterec, ordering and eating the best dumplings ever, trying to get Chris' goals on video and getting starred at every time I cheered like the crazy American fan they all thought I was, our very own 1930's convertible Scoda tour of Prague finishing at the Castle during the changing of the guards, running into my classmate Adam in Prague Castle during which we were both supposed to be in class, and trying to find and stop in as many cathedrals and then bars in Czech as we could as we traversed the entire city. Worst part: saying goodbye to Chris and all my new San Diego hockey buddies!

That's about all I can muster for now. I got a perfect score on my last anatomy quiz even with the whole break which I was excited about and today I watched endoscopies (yay fun!) at the hospital. I hope to write more soon and let you know when pictures will be up. Oh, I will be putting up pictures from the road trip with Richie and Seamus around Ireland and on St. Paddy's Day very soon.

Miss you!

distraction

i just wanted to let you know that i put up pictures from snowboarding in france on myspace and facebook so if you want a distraction then you should go ahead and take a look. speaking of which, i better get back to studying for my anatomy quiz tomorrow. we're doing the heart now!!!

i never

last night i learned how to do a proper breaststroke and immediately i felt faster...then i practiced flip turns.

i'm glad i decided to give this whole real swimmer idea a try. we will see how cut out i am for it at the meet next weekend. it feels great being in the water and challenging myself again in this way. and ya know what, as much as i miss diving i never would have put myself up to this challenge if there were diving boards here so there's one more reason to be smiling tonight. :)

just to share

im going to see Jimmy Eat World tonight which i'm quite excited about. it's my first show in a long while and im going with beechwood roomie Andrew who's a huge Jimmy fan. i can't wait!

on a school related note...the other day i was picked by the instructor to take a patient (actor) history in front of my entire class. this was quite ironic because i had just been chatting with Greg before class how i might die if i had to do a history with everyone watching me and that if i did get picked he should trip me on the way up so i could hold me 'broken' nose and run out of the room. well all i have to say is that it must have been payback or something but with all eyes of the class on me i walked up (without being tripped), was handed a microphone and my first thought was just don't faint, seriously. i hate public speaking and have a real phobia of microphones (do not ask me to do karaoke!). somehow I did pretty well and even got a few compliments from classmates. apparently the microphone must have hide the shakiness in my voice and friends said i didn't even look nervous! woah, maybe all this really is sinking in. maybe now taking any real patient history, without 50 people staring at me, is going to seem like a piece of cake!

do i really...

need a 2 hour lecture on professionalism? hmmm

1/8th of the way done!

update and pictures coming soon from my 2 week break in france.

also, just quickly, i passed all my first semester exams and had a meeting with the directors of the program when i got back from break. all they wanted to talk to me about what how i was liking living in Dublin compared to San Diego...exactly how the perfect post exam meeting should go.

looks like i'm on my way!