ahhhhhh

I'm home and the sun sure feels good...

Might take me a little while longer before I feel like writing again. For the moment I'm just way too busy doing absolutely nothing! Well, thats not true exactly. I'm just busy doing all the stuff that I missed so very much. Surfing and the beach, going out to eat all my favorite foods with friends I haven't seen in forever, reading any book I want, laying in the sun, drinking wine and watching movies, and of course sleeping. Actually, as far as sleeping goes, I've now gotten into the routine of going to bed by 10 and waking up at 7 which means that I have all the sunlight I could ask for and as little darkness as possible, which, if I'm trying to fend off rickets from my sun-deprived little body, is a very good thing :)

last one!!!

My last official final (I know it seems like they never end!) is tomorrow morning at 10 AM. Its my first exam with an actual patient and I can't wait. By 10:30 I'll be done and out of the hospital, finishing up everything I need to at the house to finally come home! I am so happy. I can't wait to catch up with everyone and be free for the next 2 months, yippie! If all goes as it should with my flight I'll be home Saturday at 6PM San Diego time.

Think good thoughts for me :)

this is it

The last week!!!! I have so much to do before I come home but I can hardly believe that no matter what I will be on that plane Saturday morning and on my way home. I'm sure people are are getting rather annoyed at me for reminding them of exactly how long it is till I'm out here but as Eoghan said yesterday upon stepping outside, "this place is pissing me off"...and well, he's a dubliner so I don't feel to bad about me feeling this way. I think in all my wining about needing this break, and my free time spent showing pictures of home and looking up my favorite places on google earth (which can sometimes bring me to tears if you can believe it) I also may have convinced at least a few people to visit San Diego at some point. This is not too difficult as the point I'm trying to make here is that it has rained for most of the month of June and July doesn't look too promising either. There's something about having to bring a coat and umbrella out with you on a Saturday afternoon in July that is just wrong.

Yesterday we went to Kilmainham Jail which is the jail where the leaders of the 1916 revolution were executed. It was my first sightseeing activity that I've done in Dublin in quite a long time. 4 of us (me, Greg, Megan and Eoghan) took the bus out there and got the tour. It was cool to see since all of us recognized the place from movies (Michael Collins, In The Name Of The Father) and if you haven't seen those it definitely reminded me of The Green Mile. If you want to go when you come visit, I'd defintely be willing to go again :) I just hope that we get a different tour guide than the one we had. When we left Greg and I had a rather pointless discussion/arguement (which we often do) about which word she she used more: "jail" or "here". My vote was for "here" and anyways, since we were in a jail I feel she can say that word just about as many times as she wants. (right greg!) ;)

Anyways, just gonna get my pack on and sort out what I am bring home and what I am hiding around my house. I might even ask Andrew to take a box my really special, I would die if they got taken by my subletter, things to his parents house but we'll see. Can't wait to be home finally. Its been SO incredibly long!

Lisa came to visit!

I almost forgot to mention that last weekend Lisa was here to see me. It was a fast but fantastic visit but you can see that for yourself...love you lis and thanks for stopping by! :)

sharing a pint

my royal college in the back there

at a cricket match

fun and excitement at trinity college

Lots of firsts

I can barely believe how many firsts I had this week. So many in fact that to remember them I thought I'd make a list:

First time taking blood from a patient (time 3 and 4 were flawless!)...oh and yay for being useful!

First time giving a talk (presenting at surgical grand rounds) and first time using powerpoint

First time on-call, spending the night in the hospital and getting bleeped (paged)!

First time taking a real patient's history entirely on my own, presenting the history and getting all the differentials right. :)

Well, those were the big ones although there were lots of little ones in between. I really liked neurosurgery. I loved how everyday I was watching and being apart of someone literally saving another person's life. Sometimes that just means giving them more time to enjoy their time here with us all. But there's something that amazes me about how truly beautiful that is. And they do it every day, sacrificing themselves, making every effort to be perfect for complete strangers without wanting or needing even any thanks in return. Its exactly what I want to be apart of. I feel like I just fit in somewhere finally and even with all the hard work and practically no free time, I finally feel like its a place I'm entirely happy being entirely on my own. I fall asleep not needing anything or with the feeling that something is missing. Somehow, somewhere that feeling just disappeared. It gives me shivers. This is it.

On-call

So I decided to stay on-call tonight in neurosurgery at the hospital. I must be crazy, is the response I'm getting most. It sorta started as just a suggestion from one of the consultants and then with the idea in my head, my curiosity has gotten the best of me and against most people's recommendations I decided to try it out just to see what would happen.

Ok, so at first, nothing. The Reg (resident on call for everyone at home) is awesome. He is great at teaching and absolutely loves it. I love getting quizzed on anatomy, mostly because they seem so impressed probably but its fun too. And I love looking at CT scans of the brain now. Its like a little puzzle that you have to figure out...or more like a find whats wrong with the picture. Its the kind of games I would get sent by my grandmother and I've always loved them. And the best part is I'm getting better at it...much much better.

Then there was a car accident and a guy with a fractured skull is on his way to the hospital from another hospital in Ireland. (oh I forgot to mention that Beaumont where I am is the neurosurgical center for all of Ireland. So anything that happens in the entire country gets referred here since all of the neurosurgeons are only here in this one hospital in Dublin.) So, I was given a pager (called a "bleep" here) and the reg is gonna bleep me when they get here in an hour or so. That should give me time to take a quick nap on the couch before everything starts happening. I'll write more over the weekend probably...
cheers from beaumont hospital,
kelly

Week 1

I'm too exhausted to describe exactly how amazing being at the hospital this week was so you are just going to have to take my word for it and wait until I can build my strength back up this weekend so that I can write all about it. Actually, I'll do a quick little bit now as a preview...Neurosurgery is incredible. I've seen doctors actually save lives right in front of me and most of the day I spend in awe, wondering how could I ever possibly even come close to knowing a fraction of what they do. It really doesn't surprise me now that neurosurgeons have the whole God complex. I mean after a 4 hour spinal surgery to remove a tumor the size of the head of a pin from a patient's spinal cord just below their brain stem, the removal of an aggressive CSF producing tumor in the middle of a 3 month old child's brain or saving a 6 year old from a blood clot after a fall on their bicycle, I seriously have no doubt that they would think anything less of themselves.

But I'm still super excited about having my weekend too :). Tomorrow Lisa literally drops in on me for her 8 hour lay over on her way to Spain and we are going to see the 'sights' in Dublin. I'm going to bed early since I've been up at 5 or 6 am and not getting home till about 9 every night this week and could use the extra sleep. I really hope its nice tomorrow. Drinking out in the sun on the Trinity green just won't be the same if it isn't!

Cheers!

...cuz this is how i feel right now. many more pictures to come!

Collapse

I'M DONE and I'm not gonna move out of bed for the next 5 hours!!! Then I will consider going to rock climbing and out drinking for the night. But now I'm laying here and smiling without having to move to do anything! I love this feeling. I can't believe that I am actually done with my first year. I can finally breath and right now (again) I don't HAVE to the do anything which is the most amazing thing I can think of. Ah, Greg just got home and he's done. Me and Andrew were in the first group of OSCEs (which is the clinical examination and history taking that was our last exam) so we were done first...then Greg...and then Maeve. I don't know if I have the energy to go downstairs and talk to him about it even. All I know is that mine went really really well. Last semester I came home crying so this time I think I nailed it cuz I just feel happy, smiling and happy. Ridiculous that I'm this happy so I must have done well...well at least not worried about failing. Yay!

Ok, so now 3 and a half weeks in the hospital. So far as I can tell I'll be with a professor of neurosurgery (yay for brain surgery!!!) for half and a doctor of geriatrics for the other half (yay for old people!). Oh man, I can not wait! I wish you people were up so that I could call someone and just scream into the phone that I am done and laugh and finally be happy!

Much love for all of your faith in me. I needed it, I really did :)

the path

A friend recently told me that my writing on this thing is boring and really not worth their time reading. It hurt me to hear that but I know that they are right. Even though it it might be tough I have always wanted my friends to be honest with me so, with no hard feelings, I'm taking full responsibility for all the boring stuff that I write about in my day-to-day life and moving on. This is my life and the way that its going at the moment is really really dull and uninteresting. However, whether its boring or exciting, I'm writing this blog to tell people what its like for me here. Medical school finals are long and boring for anyone that isn't me and for me they are the torture required for things to happen in my life that are amazingly exciting and unbelievably eventful. I'm suffering through the seemingly endless hours of studying and sitting through horrifically long and tedious exams that make you want to pull your hair out or hide in your room under the covers until the torture is over. So, these mind-numbing, practically never leave the house days of studying followed by full days full of rest required to recover are the payment required to get to the excitement that will eventually come to pass. And whether you wait it out till the exciting bits or follow me along the entire road is up to you. But this is what it takes for me to make it and as much as I complain or worry or anything, I truly do love every second-- the struggle, the pain and the sweetness of the rewards that are coming. I'm out here on my own but I know I couldn't do it on my own and I know sometimes we both might just have to grin and bear it.

to update

So I went running. It was awesome. So glad I did. It started raining about half way through and felt great. Took a shower and now I'm all ready for some BBQ. (Luckily it stopped raining.)
I'm so close to being done :)

Have a great weekend everyone!

I think I just really need to do...well...nothing

Today has been a sorta tough, but on the relaxing side, of a day. I woke up, not being able to sleep anymore because of a crushing headache, but still so incredibly exhausted from the let down after finals. Its making me feel even more tired and a little sick feeling too so all I want to do is stay in bed with the curtain closed massaging my temples. Its the same headache that has been plaguing me on and off for the past week now. I know I still need more practice for my clinical exam on Monday but I definitely don't feel like it and not only that but its keeping me from being able to go out on my usual daily jogs which is really rough on me. I just want it to go away and leave me alone but I have a feeling its not going to until all of this is over for good. I just can't wait for Monday morning at 9AM. It going to be fantastic to be released from all the stress I am carrying around at the moment. There's a big bbq that everyone is going to tonight and I want to be able to make that. Hopefully a nap right now will help. Maybe I just really need a lazy day like this to reset myself after all of the craziness and hopefully tomorrow I'll feel more like my usual self.

Some good news however. I was finally able to find my own apex beat which was exciting. And if you don't know what that is don't worry...I'll be checking yours out when I get home oh so very soon!

ah the freedom...i can just about taste it!

mmm...Greg spoils me sometimes with his cooking I swear. I really should have him describe what he made because it sounds way better coming from him but anyways it was delicious. A mini feast (somewhat on the frou-frou side he said) to celebrate being done with our written exams for a hell of a long time...months and months and months! Yay! I am so excited, my hand is ecstatic, and it means that I'm that much closer. Just one more exam to go and then off to the hospital I go. (All I need is just to know that all were passed and that I'm Ok of course then I'd really be falling over in happiness.) Its still 5 days away though until clinical competencies on Monday and its raining outside (the first time in 4 days I get a break and its not sunny...of course!) so I'm getting into bed with my belly full of salmon, roasted fennel, asparagus, baby boiled potatoes and yummy buttery hollandaise sauce watching a movie and falling asleep. I think I deserve it. :)

Oh, the test went great. Greg and I decided that we really didn't study for the MCQ's as much as the big concepts, with examples and all that jazz so we know that we killed on the short notes (with me writing and writing till I could not write anymore) but just did Ok on the multiple choice. Eh, I can live with that. Health Behavior and Society should be about the big ethical ideas and dilemmas and not the: which is the most important reason for getting health insurance in Africa? a. so you don't have to wait forever for treatment, b. you don't get stuck with a big bill, c. so you get better treatment from a specialist, d. so you get to go to a nice hospital with all the trimmings to make you better, and e. oh yeah, there was no "all of the above" on that one. Go figure.

Neuroscience...check!

All done with another double module...ie. a four hour exam!

Took a nap and now I'm gearing up for Health, Behavior and Society. This one hasn't gotten my full attention so far so the next few hours are pretty key. Oh well, I like this stuff the most although I realize how much of it I can totally bs my way though. Oh well.

Today, Greg and I were walking down the street laughing incredibly loud at something random I think I said, (something to the effect of calling up the LUAS people for the ticket that he got this morning on the way to the exam because he didn't his new ticket date stamped by a bus before getting on the LUAS...which is the most stupid thing ever...and telling them that the guy that gave him the ticket should be "sectioned"...a new term from peep show...and i don't even watch that show geez...because now that we got the thing stamped, his LUAS ticket and his fine both have the same date on it! Ok, I realize how little sense this makes but just forget about it. Really. You had to have been there...well here...whatever.) Anyways, so laughing loudly down the street and this guy was walking by staring at us with this look like those crazy people, how can they be laughing so loud and I just felt bad for him because that is seriously one of the best things I can think of doing. Hmm, well, I guess right now just walking anywhere not going to an exam is probably the best thing ever too so my standards are pretty low at the moment. But still, I love that.

Study..pause...Study...

Today I found out that my favorite Irish chef and housemate Greg did not know what to do with an avocado. I know there are a few of you who wouldn't agree with me on this one but knowing Greg I knew he was definitely missing out. So even though they aren't quite as good as my favorite California ones I think they may have worked their magic on him just the same.

I guess I'm not the only one getting something out of living here.

Life is good

The endocrine exam is over and done with and the sun is out in full force. Its like the world has also realized that the tests are over for a little while and a break is seriously needed. I just got back from the roof patio at Russel's where we all had a pint and soaked up the sunshine. Finally able to relax as warm the breeze rejuvenated our tired, haven't seen life outside our house for a week, faces and suddenly it hit me. It has hit me before but this time was definitely just a little bit different and more meaningful in a way. Just sitting there happy as a clam and listening to Greg when all of a sudden I notice his accent and then Andrew said something and I became strangely aware of his as well. This is my life. I live in Dublin. I have a house full of friends down the street from this pub in Ranelagh. I am half way done with my exams of my 1st year of medical school. Wow.

Maybe exam time makes me more emotional. Or maybe I put so much of myself into these exams because I 'm aware of just how big they are and what they mean to my life and career and I just can't help myself from feeling and happy at this whole crazy situation.

Oh, so on a side note. I seem to have an exam time pattern forming. Last semester I left my laser card at a shop after an exam. So today I left my wallet at college after the exam and realized it while I was on the Luas (the tram here) just as the ticket collectors were stepping onto the car. Maeve rang Andrew 2 seconds later and said she had my wallet, with my ticket in it of course, and would bring it home. So I got a fine from the guy, but really I look at it like a right of passage in Dublin. I mean you probably don't technically live in Dublin without getting caught riding the Luas without a ticket at least once. I can mail in my proof and not have to pay anyways and my wallet is safe and sound (for now!) so all is good.

So, for anyone wanting to keep track, I have Neuroscience and Health Behavior next Tuesday and Wednesday and Clinical Competencies the following Monday. Oh and just 35 more days and then...I'm home!

my hand hurts

I wish I was ambidextrous...

All this writing is cramping up my hand. The test was just so-so this morning. I don't really know what to do with a test like that. Poor grammer was my first response. That and the fact that there were at least 2 or 3 right answers for about half of the MCQ's. Plus, they gave us 7 essay questions (we were only expecting 6), first without letting us know how much time we had per question exactly so I immediately felt rushed and when I feel rushed in an exam essentially based upon bs I am officially a goner. About an hour later, I had rambled my way through 7 pages barely feeling like I was brushing the surface of the questions let alone fully answer them. I could have taken the 10 minutes I had per question to make an outline of my introduction. (But that's what I get for being an English major in medical school.) While I was sure everyone else was getting straight to the point I am contemplating and working out every little if, and, but and maybe that made the question, well...retarded. 10 minutes for an essay on bias, ethics and pharm co. sponsorship of research and why results always seem to go their way is not my idea of a good time.

Ok, now that I've gotten that off my chest I can move on. The other reason why my hand hurts are all these notes for endocrinology I am outlining for the test Friday! Friday AHHH! Oh geez I gotta go. The best news of the day: Chezzy, my favorite yellow lab, is spending the night tonight. I am totally a sucker for the cutie!

a perfect day for study

Raining, windy, cold, you name it. It is one of those typical Dublin days where you would be happy to have to stay inside with books and pens and study, drinking tea...

But then what do I have to do, spend 4 hours running around in the rain to take care of everything to renew my passport. Photo, bank, post office, leaving my ATM card at the bank, you name it. I just got home and I am starting to feel stressed about not being able to finish all my study by tomorrow's test in Evidence Based Health. The good news is that I will, with a 95% confidence interval of .01 (ah ha, see I am studying!), receive my passport in enough time to make it on my flight home. My flight home in, thats right, just 38 days!

Just 4 more written finals and one clinical exam to go. Wish me luck :)

yes, im OK

Things aren't really as bad as I've been making them sound (DUH right?!). Just going back and reading my post from last night, I hope I didn't scare anyone too much. I find it easy to become a little over dramatic here and, well, when things aren't wonderful (such as finals tend not to be) I just fall right into that trap laid out for me. I found this a little while ago on a doctor's blog and found it funny and interesting so because I'm doing so hot on the fun, uplifting stuff at the moment, I'd thought I'd share maybe just a bit of the fun and exciting world I'm headed into.
(taken from internalmedicinedoctor.blogspot.com)

"Tomorrow, 7 am sharp, I embark on a new journey. I will be head of the team. This team will encompase one Attending, one Resident (that is I), two Interns (first year residents), one Sub-Intern/ fourth year med-student (from here on the “Sub-I”), and two third year med-students (a.k.a. “Students”).

To serve the readership yet unfamiliar with the medical hierarchy that governs today’s fine medical establishments I will now take the time to explain this stepladder of ass-slurpers. The understanding of this is essential for our future relationship and so if you have any questions feel free to ask.

I will comprise the list to range from least kissed ass to practically dripping. Remember, each member of the team has a primary goal, a secondary goal (if applicable), friends and enemies. It is long; I am sorry for this, but essential for the upcoming month. Let us begin:

1- The Students/ Third Year Med-School

Primary goal: To impress Attending and Resident with knowledge we were sure they never had. Secondary goals: To cloud a simple clinical scenario by suggesting that the patient has as many extremely rare diseases as possible, to name a disease the Resident hasn’t heard of and to send out for as many of the most expensive blood tests we have as the Resident allows. The sub-I is their best friend as he is closer to the resident and is always up to date on their performance thus far. Enemy: Interestingly enough, they are each other’s enemy as they are always being judged comparatively to each other. This undercurrent of hate is masked very well and only a thorough Freudian understanding of the subconscious can uncover it.

2- The Sub-I

Primary goal: Impress attending, Sub-I’s need recommendation letters for the residency match so they too can be taken advantage of by residency programs and government. Secondary goal: Discharge patients, less patients mean less work and try not to sound like Student by naming any rare disease.

The Sub-I’s friends are the Intern and the Resident, possibly third year but only if they agree to do his blood draws. Enemy: Patients with extremely rare diseases (makes Sub-I extremely uncomfortable as he now has to sound like Student).

3- Intern

Primary goal: Discharge patients. Intern will do or say anything to achieve this goal as he/she is usually overworked and would love to have one less family and upcoming tragedy to deal with. Secondary goal: Anything that ends in less patients (I cannot stress this enough).

Their friends are the other interns, amazing bonus point if able to really swing Resident to their “point of view” (often wrong!). Enemies: Patients!!!!
4- Resident (my new position)

Primary goal: To impress Attending and Chief of Medicine while also keeping Intern happy, motivated and feeling that Resident is truly on his side. Secondary goal: Constantly remember that Interns LIE! Again, they do anything to get patients out and Resident must continually double check Intern behind Intern’s back as INTERNS LIE! Friends: The Attending and other Residents. Enemies: Everyone on a certain level: as Interns LIE, Sub-I wants information primarily for Student, Student wants to name rare disease and make Resident look bad. To counteract Student, Resident must immediately say “I don’t know that but why don’t you give us a presentation on this tomorrow morning” (Gotcha Ya Bastard!).

5- Attending Doctor

Primary goal: Come for 2 hours in morning, teach, and leave as fast as possible, keep name out of chart so no one knows who to sue later. No Secondary goal. Friend: All. Enemy: No one. Remain completely oblivious to the ass smooching going on a round you. Wipe ass off after morning round.

6- Chief of Medicine

Primary Goal: Teach and run Medicine Department. Secondary goal: Absorb all ass-kissing, taking it all in as one continuous lick that lasts for many years. Secondary goal: Try to remain seemingly very humble, once in while give a lecture which makes every resident in the room feel like he knows absolutely nothing/ give up his medical license and go back to medical school.

This is the system within which we all operate. If there are any questions please feel free to ask. Tomorrow, I will do my best to avoid all questions and appease Intern to join my view of things. This will be my greatest chess match yet."

-posted by Internal Medicine Doctor

And it hasn't even really started yet!

I wonder if I will never see this house the same again? It has become the study center of pain, torture, whatever you want to call it. It wreaks of it in here. There is this stink that doesn't go away now. I can open as many windows as I can and it still stinks. There are random bouts of laughing and such but then nothing for what seems like ages. Now I look at going home as freedom from this which makes the homesickness so much more meaningful. Its huge at the moment. I am fully aware of the fact that with every passing minute, hour, day I'm getting dangerously close the ultimate pit of torture but then it doesn't seem to matter much because its also bringing me closer to my haven. So time, keep on ticking by as fast as you possibly can. Speeding through all this will help me more than anything else right now.